Things have been busy, so I've gotten behind on blogging. However, I'm still "scale free" after 19 days!
I feel awesome! I have been concentrating on what makes me want to weigh. I think it's "fear". Then I have to look at what I'm afraid of. I am afraid of getting fat again. Is that fear based in reality?
I'm not sure. I think I have learned over the years what to eat, what not to eat and how much to eat. I love to exercise. That is no lie. I look forward to my pilates reformer classes and my running. I really look forward to my running. So, what would make me get fat. Ignoring everything I know about food and giving up the exercising that I truly love. That isn't going to happen.
So what do I need the number on the scale for? Is it validation of my "success" on some level? Can't I get that validation in other ways? Finishing a run, helping a student overcome his or her fear of math, doing something nice for someone, etc. are other forms of positive validation. Why not focus on those? Why is the number on the scale so important?
It never was until I joined Weight Watchers. I'm not going to bash Weight Watchers because I got a lot of good information and support from them. I have met some very good friends on the Weight Watcher message boards. One of the "bad" things that I have gotten from Weight Watchers is my scale obsession. I can only speak to my own obsession, but I know others share it. I know people that weigh multiple times a day or use multiple scales. I've seen women remove their wedding rings at the scale at Weight Watchers before a Weigh In. Come on, what could rings weigh? However, SO much emphasis is on the scale at Weight Watchers. All the prizes are based on lost pounds. Losing weight is good, but I've seen people not exercise because it made them "gain". Is that crazy? Crazy, but true.
They talk about NSV's (Non-Scale Victories" at Weight Watchers. Why not place an emphasis victories of all kinds? Just the fact that it is a "Non Scale" victory shows how "All about the scale" Weight Watchers is.
I had to quit. I quit my job at Weight Watchers first. Finally, I quit doing the program. The tracking was becoming an obsession, too. I knew that I was "in trouble" when I asked my husband recently after dinner, "Do you think I ate more than 12 potato chips with my sandwich?".
Now, my goal is to eat when I'm hungry. I also want to eat what I want to eat. However, I will stop when I'm full. I'm going to continue to exercise like I do, because I love it. I was afraid that running would become an obsession, too. So far, it has been a relief, not an obsession. It clears my mind, works my body and gets me some fresh air. How can that be bad! I just need to not let it control my life. I will talk about my Garmin another day. I was afraid that would feed my tendency to obsess. I didn't.
It is hard not to get on the scale. I want to a lot. I want to know if I'm doing "good" or "bad". Why is everything "good" or "bad".
I just finished up a 4 mile treadmill run because the weather was not to my liking to run outside. I did speed work because I love the way it makes me feel (not while I'm doing it, but after). I want to jump on the scale and see if I lost. I won't do that.
I need to think about my relationship with the scale, "Post Lent". There is enough time for that. Today, I'm just happy that at 19 days into it, I'm still "scale free".
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
Day 3: Starting to feel Withdrawl
Okay. It's Day 3. I did not step on the scale today and I don't plan to. I looked at it. Thought about it, but didn't.
I thought about putting the scale away. Hiding it. That might make this easier. However, it really isn't about where the scale is. If I really wanted to weigh, I'd go get it. It's just like when I hide food. I go dig it out. I'd have to throw the scale in the trash and others use it, so that wouldn't be fair.
As for eating, I've been fine. It's been a little tricky since I'm at the beach and in a bit of "vacation mode", however, the beach weekends are part of my life so I need to go through them during this challenge. I usually exercise more at the beach but the rain yesterday kept me inside. I'm not going to run today because I am running a 5K tomorrow and want to save my legs.
I haven't snacked much at all. That is good. I've tried to eat reasonably and good portions. I haven't felt stuffed and have been hungry by the time the next meal rolls around. The tough part of my "beach lifestyle" is the adult beverages. I have had more Lite Beer than I would have at home. I won't be drinking next weekend, so this is okay.
Life has it's ebbs and flows. I roll with it with the scale, I can roll with it, without the scale. I just wish it wasn't so hard. It would be much easier to give up my watch. It would be far easier to not know what time is was rather than to not know how much I weigh. I know that is crazy, but it's true. The funny thing is that knowing the number on the scale doesn't usually alter my behavior. It just allows me to beat myself up for being "bad".
Luckily, I have college basketball to distract me. I'll feel MUCH better after I run tomorrow. I know I will.
I thought about putting the scale away. Hiding it. That might make this easier. However, it really isn't about where the scale is. If I really wanted to weigh, I'd go get it. It's just like when I hide food. I go dig it out. I'd have to throw the scale in the trash and others use it, so that wouldn't be fair.
As for eating, I've been fine. It's been a little tricky since I'm at the beach and in a bit of "vacation mode", however, the beach weekends are part of my life so I need to go through them during this challenge. I usually exercise more at the beach but the rain yesterday kept me inside. I'm not going to run today because I am running a 5K tomorrow and want to save my legs.
I haven't snacked much at all. That is good. I've tried to eat reasonably and good portions. I haven't felt stuffed and have been hungry by the time the next meal rolls around. The tough part of my "beach lifestyle" is the adult beverages. I have had more Lite Beer than I would have at home. I won't be drinking next weekend, so this is okay.
Life has it's ebbs and flows. I roll with it with the scale, I can roll with it, without the scale. I just wish it wasn't so hard. It would be much easier to give up my watch. It would be far easier to not know what time is was rather than to not know how much I weigh. I know that is crazy, but it's true. The funny thing is that knowing the number on the scale doesn't usually alter my behavior. It just allows me to beat myself up for being "bad".
Luckily, I have college basketball to distract me. I'll feel MUCH better after I run tomorrow. I know I will.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Lenten Journey - Day 2 to give up Obsession
Okay, so it's not as hard as I thought today. I am at the beach so maybe being out of my "normal" environment makes it easier. I did not step on the scale this morning. I'm going to try and go 40 days without weighing. One down. Today is not over yet!
I know it sounds like an easy thing to do, but for me, it's not. I have a "love/hate" relationship with the scale. I love it when it tells me good news. If I don't like the number, it can ruin my day.
I need to look at other indicators of good health. My weight is within the healthy range for my height. My clothes fit nicely. I am fit.
I watch what I eat. Of course, I have the occasional treat, but for the most part, I'm a model for heatlhy eating. I eat fruits, veggies, drink tons of water, very little red meat, etc.
I need to break the scale addiction. Here's hoping that I can. If I don't weigh for 40 days, that should do it. I think I read somewhere that it takes 30 days to make or break a habit. We shall see.
Today, I feel a little stressed. It is absolutely pouring out and I don't have access to a treadmill so there will be no run for me today (at least it doesn't look like it). I don't have a good way to get any meaningful exercise so I need to adjust my eating. I need to realize that just because I skip one day of planned exercise, it doesn't undo all of the good work that I have done for weeks. I need to be reasonable with myself and tell myself what I would tell someone else. Why is that so hard?
I think I am going to learn a lot during this 40 day exercise.
Until then, I'll watch some college basketball.
I know it sounds like an easy thing to do, but for me, it's not. I have a "love/hate" relationship with the scale. I love it when it tells me good news. If I don't like the number, it can ruin my day.
I need to look at other indicators of good health. My weight is within the healthy range for my height. My clothes fit nicely. I am fit.
I watch what I eat. Of course, I have the occasional treat, but for the most part, I'm a model for heatlhy eating. I eat fruits, veggies, drink tons of water, very little red meat, etc.
I need to break the scale addiction. Here's hoping that I can. If I don't weigh for 40 days, that should do it. I think I read somewhere that it takes 30 days to make or break a habit. We shall see.
Today, I feel a little stressed. It is absolutely pouring out and I don't have access to a treadmill so there will be no run for me today (at least it doesn't look like it). I don't have a good way to get any meaningful exercise so I need to adjust my eating. I need to realize that just because I skip one day of planned exercise, it doesn't undo all of the good work that I have done for weeks. I need to be reasonable with myself and tell myself what I would tell someone else. Why is that so hard?
I think I am going to learn a lot during this 40 day exercise.
Until then, I'll watch some college basketball.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
My Lenten Journey - To give up Obsession
I just got back from Pilates Reformer class and feel awesome.
Okay, so Lent starts today and it's a period of reflection and sometime deprivation. I thought about doing stuff like giving up Diet Pepsi or sugar, but decided on something MUCH more difficult for me.
I'm going to give up obsessing over my weight.
Okay. That doesn't mean I'm going to give up exercise and hit the All You Can Eat Buffet. What it means is that I am going to eat a healthy and balanced diet with correct portion sizes. I'm going to continue to run 12-15 miles per week and do my Pilates.
What it means is that I am not going to spend every waking hour worrying about the number on the scale. I may not even weigh the whole 40 days. Wonder if I could do that? Hmmmmm. Food for thought.
Right now, I'm sitting around 160, BUT, I put on a pair of pants that didn't fit last fall and they were loose. I wore a racer back tank to pilates today (everything else was in the washer) and the instructor complimented me on my upper body. Why do I only see the # on the scale and beat myself up????
I need to focus on feeling good about myself and not have my whole day either be either "good or bad" by what number I see.
I wonder how this will feel? Freeing or down right scary? I need to re-read "Women, Food and God" because that is the approach the Geneen Roth takes. Give your body what it needs (good food and exercise) and everything else will take care of itself.
Maybe I should have just given up "facebook" for Lent!
Okay, so Lent starts today and it's a period of reflection and sometime deprivation. I thought about doing stuff like giving up Diet Pepsi or sugar, but decided on something MUCH more difficult for me.
I'm going to give up obsessing over my weight.
Okay. That doesn't mean I'm going to give up exercise and hit the All You Can Eat Buffet. What it means is that I am going to eat a healthy and balanced diet with correct portion sizes. I'm going to continue to run 12-15 miles per week and do my Pilates.
What it means is that I am not going to spend every waking hour worrying about the number on the scale. I may not even weigh the whole 40 days. Wonder if I could do that? Hmmmmm. Food for thought.
Right now, I'm sitting around 160, BUT, I put on a pair of pants that didn't fit last fall and they were loose. I wore a racer back tank to pilates today (everything else was in the washer) and the instructor complimented me on my upper body. Why do I only see the # on the scale and beat myself up????
I need to focus on feeling good about myself and not have my whole day either be either "good or bad" by what number I see.
I wonder how this will feel? Freeing or down right scary? I need to re-read "Women, Food and God" because that is the approach the Geneen Roth takes. Give your body what it needs (good food and exercise) and everything else will take care of itself.
Maybe I should have just given up "facebook" for Lent!
Monday, February 7, 2011
One Week Until my next 5K and eating!
I guess that I am suffering from a bit of the winter blues. It is SO hard to get outside and run. I have tried different things on the treadmill. I did a speed workout that didn't make me crazy the other day. I need to try hill intervals. I need to "spice it up".
This past weekend was very busy. Lots of stuff on the calendar. I had no idea when I would fit a run in or IF I could fit a run in. My pal, Nancy, asked if I would like to run with her and the Kingstowne Striders on Sunday morning. I have resisted group runs, because I feel self conscious about my ability as a runner. She assured me that we would do our own "run" and just use the map that they had laid out. It was supposed to be a 10 mile run, but we were going to only do half. We decided to meet at 7:45 a.m. and hit the trails. I wanted to get a run in, especially to work on hills, and this would fit the bill.
I'm signed up to run "The Love the one you are with" 5K in Pentagon City on Sunday. It is hilly. It is outdoors. I didn't feel ready. My idea was to go trot up a few hills and feel better about things.
Holy Crap Bat Man! Did we do hills! I think we ran up the same major hill 3 times from 3 different directions in the 5.75 miles that we covered. I picked up a lot of hill running tips from Nancy, who is an experienced runner. I did have to walk up the last little bit of the biggest hill. I swear I thought I was going to die. When we ran by the funeral home, I felt like just laying on their front lawn and they could bury me right then. It was brutal. It was also still chilly and there was a lot of black ice. We had to run on the grass at times, which is like running in sand. However, I ran most of the way. With Nancy's encouragement, I made it back to our car.
When all was said and done, my pace was just a bit over 12 minute miles. Considering the conditions, I was happy with that. It was nice to run with someone. We chatted most of the way. I now am at least mentally ready for that 5K on Sunday. I know that I CAN run up big hills. That is a biggie for me.
On another topic, I'm back to counting Weight Watcher points. I love the new Points Plus program. I feel it is healthier and actually takes into account real physical activity. I think that my head is in a better place and I can count points without obsessing. We shall see. I need to shave off about 10 pounds that have slowly crept on over the past 3-4 years. With all of my running, you would think that would be easy. Ha! Not so! I've decided to take this seriously and get back to where I want to be by spring. Between careful eating (I say "careful" because I always tend to eat "healthy") and exercise, it should be a snap. Here's hoping.
This past weekend was very busy. Lots of stuff on the calendar. I had no idea when I would fit a run in or IF I could fit a run in. My pal, Nancy, asked if I would like to run with her and the Kingstowne Striders on Sunday morning. I have resisted group runs, because I feel self conscious about my ability as a runner. She assured me that we would do our own "run" and just use the map that they had laid out. It was supposed to be a 10 mile run, but we were going to only do half. We decided to meet at 7:45 a.m. and hit the trails. I wanted to get a run in, especially to work on hills, and this would fit the bill.
I'm signed up to run "The Love the one you are with" 5K in Pentagon City on Sunday. It is hilly. It is outdoors. I didn't feel ready. My idea was to go trot up a few hills and feel better about things.
Holy Crap Bat Man! Did we do hills! I think we ran up the same major hill 3 times from 3 different directions in the 5.75 miles that we covered. I picked up a lot of hill running tips from Nancy, who is an experienced runner. I did have to walk up the last little bit of the biggest hill. I swear I thought I was going to die. When we ran by the funeral home, I felt like just laying on their front lawn and they could bury me right then. It was brutal. It was also still chilly and there was a lot of black ice. We had to run on the grass at times, which is like running in sand. However, I ran most of the way. With Nancy's encouragement, I made it back to our car.
When all was said and done, my pace was just a bit over 12 minute miles. Considering the conditions, I was happy with that. It was nice to run with someone. We chatted most of the way. I now am at least mentally ready for that 5K on Sunday. I know that I CAN run up big hills. That is a biggie for me.
On another topic, I'm back to counting Weight Watcher points. I love the new Points Plus program. I feel it is healthier and actually takes into account real physical activity. I think that my head is in a better place and I can count points without obsessing. We shall see. I need to shave off about 10 pounds that have slowly crept on over the past 3-4 years. With all of my running, you would think that would be easy. Ha! Not so! I've decided to take this seriously and get back to where I want to be by spring. Between careful eating (I say "careful" because I always tend to eat "healthy") and exercise, it should be a snap. Here's hoping.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
The Winter Running Blues
I guess when I started running in July and braved the 100 degree heat (mainly by getting up really early to run), somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew winter would come. I had no idea how big an impact it would have on my psyche -- mainly because of running.
The good part is that I have had the opportunity to run outside quite a bit. Even in temperatures that are hovering just below freezing, I have dressed in tons of layers and hit the street running. I really believe that the cold, fresh air has kept me from getting the usual amount of colds and sicknesses. The fresh air has been good for my health and my soul. Even when the windchill dips into the teens, I get out and run. For someone that has always hated cold weather, this has been mind boggling. I love running that much.
The bad part is when the ice and snow hit. All summer, I avoided running on the treadmill. I own a treadmill, so it's not a huge inconvenience. One might say it could be easier. It's indoor, climate controlled, a television is there for entertainment, and a bathroom nearby. The first time that I HAD to run indoors was pure torture. I couldn't believe how hard it was to run indoors. It's not more physically exerting, however, I do tend to run slower. I just miss the wind in my face, the scenery passing by, waving at friends and strangers, outrunning the occasional dog and the other turns and twists an outdoor run provides.
The weather has turned worse in January, and if I didn't use the treadmill, it would be hard to keep my running schedule. So I do it. When I get that outdoor opportunity, it is so exciting. I often run longer and faster than ever. I did my longest and hilliest run last Tuesday outdoors. Running up the hill behind Kohl's even felt good when I compared it to a treadmill run. That gave me the extra "oomph" to run the whole way up.
Right now, there is snow on the ground and ice on the streets and sidewalks (at least near the edges where I run). Guess it's the treadmill for a few more days. Unfortunately, the weatherman is forecasting another "significant winter weather event" for Tuesday. I need to learn to embrace the treadmill or at least accept it.
Never fear, Wednesday is "Ground Hog Day". Maybe we will get an early spring. One can only hope.
The good part is that I have had the opportunity to run outside quite a bit. Even in temperatures that are hovering just below freezing, I have dressed in tons of layers and hit the street running. I really believe that the cold, fresh air has kept me from getting the usual amount of colds and sicknesses. The fresh air has been good for my health and my soul. Even when the windchill dips into the teens, I get out and run. For someone that has always hated cold weather, this has been mind boggling. I love running that much.
The bad part is when the ice and snow hit. All summer, I avoided running on the treadmill. I own a treadmill, so it's not a huge inconvenience. One might say it could be easier. It's indoor, climate controlled, a television is there for entertainment, and a bathroom nearby. The first time that I HAD to run indoors was pure torture. I couldn't believe how hard it was to run indoors. It's not more physically exerting, however, I do tend to run slower. I just miss the wind in my face, the scenery passing by, waving at friends and strangers, outrunning the occasional dog and the other turns and twists an outdoor run provides.
The weather has turned worse in January, and if I didn't use the treadmill, it would be hard to keep my running schedule. So I do it. When I get that outdoor opportunity, it is so exciting. I often run longer and faster than ever. I did my longest and hilliest run last Tuesday outdoors. Running up the hill behind Kohl's even felt good when I compared it to a treadmill run. That gave me the extra "oomph" to run the whole way up.
Right now, there is snow on the ground and ice on the streets and sidewalks (at least near the edges where I run). Guess it's the treadmill for a few more days. Unfortunately, the weatherman is forecasting another "significant winter weather event" for Tuesday. I need to learn to embrace the treadmill or at least accept it.
Never fear, Wednesday is "Ground Hog Day". Maybe we will get an early spring. One can only hope.
Friday, January 7, 2011
New Year's Day 5K and Hills
Happy New Year!
The weather was forecasted to be nice (high 30's) for New Year's Day, so we (Grace, Debbie, Nancy and I) all signed up to run the Inaugural Reston New Year's Day 5K. It was a sensible 10 a.m. start, so it was definitely do-able.
I usually set "loose" goals for my races, such as "do my best", "try to run all the way", etc. Not knowing the course, it's hard to set any specific time/pace goals. There were about 500 runners in the race, the weather was nice, and they gave us a really nice long sleeve technical "t shirt". So what more could I want? Everyone was in a festive mood.
We got there early and warmed up. I made sure my chip was tied securely to my shoe, got my ipod fired up and got in line. Deb and I always try to get towards the middle/back. We don't want to get run over, but we also want to be ahead of the walkers, dogs and strollers. I wore my Garmin, just to give me an idea of my time/pace.
The course started off through Reston Town Center and headed to the WO&D trail. We ran down the trail about 1.25 miles and back. I noticed on the way down the trail that it was downhill. I tried not to think about running back up the hill until I had to. I ran a very comfortable 10:20 pace for most of the race. Most of the way, I ran with a man and his little boy. The boy couldn't have been more than 5 years old and he was adorable. He had a chip on his shoe (meant he paid the entry fee) and was wearing good shoes and running attire. I was amazed that not only was he keeping up with his dad, he could have gone faster. He ran the whole way. I was totally impressed and inspired.
I also ran with a couple that he gotten married the day before. They were wearing running shirts that said "Just Married - 12/31/10". Everyone was shouting congratulations to them as they went by! The most inspiring was a lady, about 60 years old, who completed the whole course on crutches. She was the last across the line, but finished in under an hour to a roar of applause.
The last 400 meters of the course was all up hill, including a very steep hill to get off the WO&D trail. I ran up the hills, but really felt like I was going to heave. At that moment, I decided that my New Year's Resolution was going to be to spend at least one day a week running hills, when possible. I never want to have that much trouble with a climb again.
I was very happy with my time of 32:40.4. That is a PR for a 5K for me, even with all of the hills!
We decided to check out the course for the 5K that I am running in February and it also has a lot of hills. More incentive to get out there and practice climbing.
I wasn't sure where to start, so I asked the advice of some of my fellow runners. They suggested that I pick a hill and run up and down it. On Tuesday, I did an "easy" warmup mile, ran up and down Helmsdale (a 0.5 mile long hill) 3 times and did an "easy" cooldown mile. My 5 mile run was mostly hills. I didn't focus on pace, just trying to keep my breathing steady. My garmin said that I kept my pace under 12 minute miles for most of it. I'm happy with that. It felt good, both while I was doing it and when I was done.
I was worried about some test results from Tom's colonoscopy (which turned out to be okay), so conquering the hill was a good distraction. The rest of this week has been crazy busy trying to get Jessica ready to go back to school. I hope to squeeze a run in tomorrow (Saturday) and to get a nice run in while in Nashville. I miss my running, but sometimes the schedule just doesn't work!
Here's hoping for no snow on our journey to Tennessee!
The weather was forecasted to be nice (high 30's) for New Year's Day, so we (Grace, Debbie, Nancy and I) all signed up to run the Inaugural Reston New Year's Day 5K. It was a sensible 10 a.m. start, so it was definitely do-able.
I usually set "loose" goals for my races, such as "do my best", "try to run all the way", etc. Not knowing the course, it's hard to set any specific time/pace goals. There were about 500 runners in the race, the weather was nice, and they gave us a really nice long sleeve technical "t shirt". So what more could I want? Everyone was in a festive mood.
We got there early and warmed up. I made sure my chip was tied securely to my shoe, got my ipod fired up and got in line. Deb and I always try to get towards the middle/back. We don't want to get run over, but we also want to be ahead of the walkers, dogs and strollers. I wore my Garmin, just to give me an idea of my time/pace.
The course started off through Reston Town Center and headed to the WO&D trail. We ran down the trail about 1.25 miles and back. I noticed on the way down the trail that it was downhill. I tried not to think about running back up the hill until I had to. I ran a very comfortable 10:20 pace for most of the race. Most of the way, I ran with a man and his little boy. The boy couldn't have been more than 5 years old and he was adorable. He had a chip on his shoe (meant he paid the entry fee) and was wearing good shoes and running attire. I was amazed that not only was he keeping up with his dad, he could have gone faster. He ran the whole way. I was totally impressed and inspired.
I also ran with a couple that he gotten married the day before. They were wearing running shirts that said "Just Married - 12/31/10". Everyone was shouting congratulations to them as they went by! The most inspiring was a lady, about 60 years old, who completed the whole course on crutches. She was the last across the line, but finished in under an hour to a roar of applause.
The last 400 meters of the course was all up hill, including a very steep hill to get off the WO&D trail. I ran up the hills, but really felt like I was going to heave. At that moment, I decided that my New Year's Resolution was going to be to spend at least one day a week running hills, when possible. I never want to have that much trouble with a climb again.
I was very happy with my time of 32:40.4. That is a PR for a 5K for me, even with all of the hills!
We decided to check out the course for the 5K that I am running in February and it also has a lot of hills. More incentive to get out there and practice climbing.
I wasn't sure where to start, so I asked the advice of some of my fellow runners. They suggested that I pick a hill and run up and down it. On Tuesday, I did an "easy" warmup mile, ran up and down Helmsdale (a 0.5 mile long hill) 3 times and did an "easy" cooldown mile. My 5 mile run was mostly hills. I didn't focus on pace, just trying to keep my breathing steady. My garmin said that I kept my pace under 12 minute miles for most of it. I'm happy with that. It felt good, both while I was doing it and when I was done.
I was worried about some test results from Tom's colonoscopy (which turned out to be okay), so conquering the hill was a good distraction. The rest of this week has been crazy busy trying to get Jessica ready to go back to school. I hope to squeeze a run in tomorrow (Saturday) and to get a nice run in while in Nashville. I miss my running, but sometimes the schedule just doesn't work!
Here's hoping for no snow on our journey to Tennessee!
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