Things have been busy, so I've gotten behind on blogging. However, I'm still "scale free" after 19 days!
I feel awesome! I have been concentrating on what makes me want to weigh. I think it's "fear". Then I have to look at what I'm afraid of. I am afraid of getting fat again. Is that fear based in reality?
I'm not sure. I think I have learned over the years what to eat, what not to eat and how much to eat. I love to exercise. That is no lie. I look forward to my pilates reformer classes and my running. I really look forward to my running. So, what would make me get fat. Ignoring everything I know about food and giving up the exercising that I truly love. That isn't going to happen.
So what do I need the number on the scale for? Is it validation of my "success" on some level? Can't I get that validation in other ways? Finishing a run, helping a student overcome his or her fear of math, doing something nice for someone, etc. are other forms of positive validation. Why not focus on those? Why is the number on the scale so important?
It never was until I joined Weight Watchers. I'm not going to bash Weight Watchers because I got a lot of good information and support from them. I have met some very good friends on the Weight Watcher message boards. One of the "bad" things that I have gotten from Weight Watchers is my scale obsession. I can only speak to my own obsession, but I know others share it. I know people that weigh multiple times a day or use multiple scales. I've seen women remove their wedding rings at the scale at Weight Watchers before a Weigh In. Come on, what could rings weigh? However, SO much emphasis is on the scale at Weight Watchers. All the prizes are based on lost pounds. Losing weight is good, but I've seen people not exercise because it made them "gain". Is that crazy? Crazy, but true.
They talk about NSV's (Non-Scale Victories" at Weight Watchers. Why not place an emphasis victories of all kinds? Just the fact that it is a "Non Scale" victory shows how "All about the scale" Weight Watchers is.
I had to quit. I quit my job at Weight Watchers first. Finally, I quit doing the program. The tracking was becoming an obsession, too. I knew that I was "in trouble" when I asked my husband recently after dinner, "Do you think I ate more than 12 potato chips with my sandwich?".
Now, my goal is to eat when I'm hungry. I also want to eat what I want to eat. However, I will stop when I'm full. I'm going to continue to exercise like I do, because I love it. I was afraid that running would become an obsession, too. So far, it has been a relief, not an obsession. It clears my mind, works my body and gets me some fresh air. How can that be bad! I just need to not let it control my life. I will talk about my Garmin another day. I was afraid that would feed my tendency to obsess. I didn't.
It is hard not to get on the scale. I want to a lot. I want to know if I'm doing "good" or "bad". Why is everything "good" or "bad".
I just finished up a 4 mile treadmill run because the weather was not to my liking to run outside. I did speed work because I love the way it makes me feel (not while I'm doing it, but after). I want to jump on the scale and see if I lost. I won't do that.
I need to think about my relationship with the scale, "Post Lent". There is enough time for that. Today, I'm just happy that at 19 days into it, I'm still "scale free".